Ok, in real life, I don’t know why I was stuck on thing or someone that hurt me? I was clearly being stupid! The future is sooo much brighter than the past. What was going on was sooooo wrong on soooo many levels! It’s time that I move forward. I’ve decided that the best thing for me to do it lose you and to find him, so that’s what I’ll do! So you have officially been ERASED!

I was content. Living a beautiful lie. Now reality has set in… I’ve finally cried about it…a week later. Now that the tears have fallen, it’s time that I pack it up; the memories, emotions, feelings. I’m putting them in the closet with all the other ones that are worth saving. I thought to throw them away, but there’s something, something about these ones that I don’t want to forget about. I need/want to be able to take them out every once in a while and remember what was.

While I was watching Oprah I tweeted: “Jay-Z isn’t physically attractive, but his drive.passion.knowledge.business sense and swag (I hate that word, but he has it) make him sexy.” I know I’m not the only woman, and maybe man, that feels this way. There is something about that man that makes me smile. This leads into…

Where is my Jay-Z?! lol I’m joking, but I’m half way serious. What I’m trying to say is that I’ve finally learned that it’s not all about looks, they always tend to fade. I want a man who attracts me even after his looks go, if they do. Someone who makes me smile just by looking at me, just by walking into a room. A man who has me at hello every time. A man who knows who he is and doesn’t need anyone and/or thing to define him; not even me. I want to feel chills and butterflies whenever he touches me, I want to see fireworks.

I want what my grandparents had. Is that possible anymore? Some people say that it is, but I’ve yet to see it. Both of my grandmothers were a mix of  “I’m independent, but I need you at the same time”. My paternal grandmother never left my grandfathers side. She would feed my father and his siblings then wait until my grandpa got home from work to eat dinner, no matter how late he got home. My grandparents died seven days apart. My grandma left us first and seven days later, a broken heart took my grandfather. When he passed I asked my parents why he was so selfish? Why didn’t he want to stay here with us? Now I know understand. His love for my grandmother was too strong. It was and still is an endless love. I want that.

Don’t ask my how I went from Jay-Z to endless love! Somehow it connects and makes sense

You ever read something and it jumps out and grabs you? That’s what happened with this ^^^. I won’t say who or what it’s about. I like it. It made me smile .

You came back and flipped everything upside down, turned things inside out, like some force of nature or natural disaster. I must admit, it was a beautiful disaster. Now I question my future, a future that I painstakingly planned. A future that I edited over and over so that I could have the best possible outcome. Now I’m willing to throw away certain things and give up certain aspects, all for a dream. Now what do I do? Should I re-edit what I want for you? What are you going to give up for me? 50/50 right? What if this dream turns out to be a nightmare? Should I stick around and find out? Do I run? *point of clarification, lol… When I say give up or throw certain things away, I don’t mean my education or family/friends.

Run? That’s a word my parents told me to delete from my dictionary at a young age. I still remember my dad telling me, “You don’t run from anything. Face your problems, Nnenne, never back down!” I don’t want to run, and I’m scared to find out how this story ends.

Maybe were just too young to realize what we have? Maybe we need to find each other in another 4 or 5 years? *sigh*

I’ve always been a spiritual person. Go to church whenever I can, but not nearly enough. The situation that happened really made me turn to my faith. In the past I thought I could deal with and handle everything on my own. My motto is/was Bring It On. Hmph! After 21 years, I’ve finally realized that there is a higher power that guides and controls everything.  My lesson learned is to stop getting in the way and let God take control. It’s easier said than done, but I know with trust in Him everything will turn out right

There’s been A LOT going on in my life…

For starters, my little brother is finally out of the hospital. He was discharged last Sunday (Thank God!). Before he was discharged, he was given a release to go to his high school graduation. I cried so hard when he got out of his wheelchair to walk across the stage. I’m sure everyone that was sitting by me was wondering why I was crying so hard. After Chiso’s grad, when we were outside taking pictures, so many people came up to him to say how happy they were that he made it to graduation. Made me cry even more! It just sucks that he had to go back to the hospital instead of going to Senior Party.

acting silly

The other thing that sucks is that my dad was still in Nigeria, so he missed Chiso’s graduation.

So…I still haven’t applied for my passport…opps!!! I need to do that soon, because I leave for LONDON at the end of August. AND, I still need to file for a student visa since I will be taking classes while there. I promise myself, I’m going to apply for my passport next week!

So…again, lol… I went to CHICAGO for the first time! I’ve lived in MI my whole life, it’s so crazy that I’ve never been to Chicago before. I loved it! One of my old roommates showed Sasha, my travel buddy, and I around. We went shopping, of course, to some clubs, and to Navy Pier. I got to ride a ferris wheel for the first time. The view from the top of the ferris wheel was so beautiful.

sash and iForest and I

I love Sasha so much. I’m happy that I got to experience Chicago for the first time with her. We had the best conversations on the drive there, while we were there, on the ferris wheel, and always. lol. She is the definition of a friend. As are my other friends.

“Did it ever occur to you that even the most deathless love could wear out?” — Rhett Butler, Gone with the Wind. I think I’m going to read Gone with the Wind again. I love that book so much. It’s another one of my must reads

Although I am Catholic, I am also Pro-Choice, I do not believe that abortion as a “grave evil”.  I feel as though I am not the only Catholic that feels this way. Actually I know I’m not. I believe that a woman should have the option to terminate pregnancy, under reasonable time limits and restraints. If a girl is raped should she have to keep the child that was produced during the assault? I don’t think she should have to. It would take a strong woman to raise a child  under those circumstances, and I don’t think that it could be done. (Well, it can be done, but it would be extremely hard. I’m sure every time the woman would look at her child, she would also see her attacker.) There are other reasons as to why women should be able to have their choice in whether they keep a child or not. I also mentioned, “under reasonable time limits and restraints”. Now, if some girl is just being all willy-nilly and not using protection and is continuously having abortions because it is the “easy way out”, then she should not be allowed to go through with the procedure. And when it comes to little girls getting pregnant, I think that the doctors should consulttheir parents. I know there is doctor-patient confidentiality, but among certain ages, 18 and under, parents and/or guardians should be consulted. I also don’t think that abortions should be given after the first trimester either. At the end of the first trimester, if I’m not mistaken, one is able to tell what sex the child is and also see the developments that the fetus has gone through. After knowing all of this, how and/or why someone could terminate their child(ren), I don’t know. If after the first trimester a woman does not want her child, she should then begin to look into adoption.

Instead of Catholics being concerned with abortion, contraception, and premarital sex, how about we tacklle the Priests and Fathers molesting children? How about we crack down on the “Hollywood Father”, if that’s what he’s called. They are giving the Church a bad name…touching kids and romping around on beaches!

“We must find a way to live together as one human family.” President Barack Obama

“Dark eye shadow, ill style, bad attitude. She’s rolling. Just the way you like them. You feel a connection with her. You fall in love with her. The drinks, the smoke and she’s gone. You didn’t even get a chance to talk. She needs, she wants, she pursues, she gets. Life in the fast lane. Nothing is good enough. No party is cool enough. Small fortunes aren’t enough money. But she cant be bought, its not about the money…..She’s just stuck in Houstatlantavegas…” ♥

In Drake’s song “HoustAtlantaVegas” it seems like he’s talking about a stripper. I feel like he’s talking about a certain mind-set that the girl that he likes is stuck in. The quote above is from: http://wordsfrom.wordpress.com/2008/12/05/words-from-oliver/
Oliver adds a whole new twist to HAV. When I read it I thought about myself, naturally lol. Some may say he’s talking about a party girl who does to much, but again, I say it’s a state of mind. Nothing is ever enough (for the moment). Once she finds the things that will satisfy her needs and wants, HAV will be a thing of the past. What do you think?

PS: Listen to the song. One of the best on So Far Gone.

Oh yea, while I was walking down the hall I saw a plaque that said, “See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.” Exodus 23:20. I don’t know what made me glance at the plaque. I seriously stared at it for 5 minutes and just cried. I guess it was me being scared for my brother. I thought, “Is Chiso this angel?”  Then I thought of my grandma who passed a way on March 16, and I knew she was the angel. This calming feeling came over me and I knew that he’d be ok. I am worried about his increase in temperature and the oxygen level, but I know he’ll pull through! He’s an Osuji, and that’s what we do, we survive and go on to do great things!

Prom

 On another note, I haven’t seen my beautiful nephew since my mom left to go to Nigeria.

Xavier

I miss him so much. He has such a presence. He commands a room, again, that’s how you know he’s an Osuji lol. He is one of the smartest two-years old I’ve ever come across. And he has a smart mouth, just like his auntie He has really brought our family back together. For a while things were pretty crazy, then poof here comes Xavier who flipped things all around then returned them back to normal! I’m thinking about getting him for the whole summer. It would be a little hard, but I think I can handle him, work, and class. I don’t know lol, we’ll see.

“He smiled understandingly-much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced–or seemed to face–the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself.”
- F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

^^^This is my favorite quote from The Great Gatsby. It’s also one of the best books ever written. It is a must read, if you haven’t done so already.